Ghosts
by Banshi
Summary: A non-dialogue songfic about life, love, and those watching over the boys. Yaoi threesome 1+2+5, spoilers for pilots' pasts. Reposted with minor correction.


August 2002: It has been brought to my attention that the dog did indeed have a name in _Endless Waltz_ and I just missed it. This is basically the same fic that I posted before, just with that correction. Thanks Shaman Flamingo!

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Ghosts

_By Banshi_

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_~ I hope you never lose your sense of wonder, You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger, ~_

Helen watched as her little Shinigami stared up at the giant black mobile suit with something like love in his pre-teen eyes. She smiled softly, remembering that Father Maxwell had gotten a similar look the first time he had seen a Cadillac. She had watched as her precious little boy had grown up too quickly, hiding a core as hard as his new love's armor behind the innocent smile of a child.

He had been grown-up when she met him, but somehow he had also been the child she would never have. Her little Duo, running off to war for all the wrong reasons and for all the right ones. A thief to that Gundanium core, and yet so honest and fragile.

She watched him as he saw Earth for the first time, and wept for joy because she knew that he couldn't. For the second time since she had last seen his face with living eyes, she watched him fall in love. The blue-green jewel that was the home world had stolen his heart.

He soaked up everything about the planet through a wide smile and indigo eyes. Nothing was too trivial to capture his attention. He courted and wooed life with a determination that only Death could have possessed.

And yet...

_~ May you never take one single breath for granted, God forbid love ever leave you empty handed, ~_

Meiran snorted as she watched her husband do what he had been trained to do...finally. And she watched as it slowly killed him. 

It wasn't supposed to be like this! He was supposed to be the honor of their clan, the warrior who would redeem them. They weren't supposed to send him out and then cut him loose, leave him at the mercy of Fate with no guidance.

Gundam pilot or not, a good pilot or not, he was never supposed to be alone. She wouldn't have let him be alone...even if she had had to follow him into every little battle herself!

But she wasn't there, and it was her own damn fault for not waiting for him or listening to him. She hadn't been lying when she told him that he was stronger.

They had been her last words, she had thought that they would carry more weight. Instead he took her cause, and her name and engrained them both into the shadow that had become his life.

He had never loved her as his wife, and he probably never would have, but she knew that in some way he had loved her a little bit.

She saw the look in his eyes before he even knew what had hit him. But then, she always had been faster than him.

She had to admit, that smile could have won anybody, even her elusive Dragon. She didn't begrudge the Deathscyth pilot Wufei's affection, even as she knew whatever part of his heart she had held had been stolen. At least Duo was the best sort of thief, it wouldn't do if he had been unworthy.

She had seen the look in _his_ eyes too.

__

~ I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,~

~Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens, ~

He wasn't really her Onii-san, but she could pretend that he was. He had been lost that day, he had even said so. He was still lost, and she didn't want him to be sad. She had been sad, when she hadn't been able to hug her Mommy and Daddy before they went away, but she had Mary, so it was Ok. Onii-san had taken care of the used-to-be-Mary, down on the ground, so she had to follow him because he was not happy and she wanted to help.

He was so sad, and so scary at the same time. She watched him, nobody else seemed to want to, and she wanted to, so she did. She watched him fly, and thought that it must be such fun. Onii-san didn't seem to think so.

He was saddest when he thought that no-one was looking, and except for her and Mary, nobody usually was. He would curl up and just watch, like she did, only he wasn't like her, and he wasn't watching people. He would just stare, at the ocean, at the sky or the rain. He was so still when he was like that. He watched the laughing boy, Duo, though, and she was happy because Duo would make him not-lost.

When the fighting got worse and he tried to blow himself up, and there wasn't any time for him to just sit and watch. At first it was because he was always asleep, and he couldn't watch with his eyes closed! Then it was because he was so busy. He couldn't stop, he would just stare, but he wasn't _watching_ anymore.

He kept fighting, even when he didn't have to. First when he traveled with the circus-boy, Trowa, seeing all of those people who cried a lot, and then when he fought with the metal-face-man. He was so busy fighting that he almost missed something really important.

So she tried to make him start watching again. And it worked!

_~ Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance, ~_

Helen watched the beauty of the love that Duo and Wufei shared, thinking that it was so sweet. They were both so shy. Though, before Wufei, she would never have thought anything about Duo could be "shy". It took both of them nearly dying...again, to get them to admit to anything, and even then they wouldn't admit to everything. More than once she felt her heart melt when Duo clutched his cross and whispered his doubts and fears to her, even though she knew that he didn't really think that she could hear him.

How she longed to prove that she could. She wanted to give her little Duo that peace, but his peace wasn't her gift to give. That honor belonged to hearts that needed his reluctant light more than she did. 

There were moments, when he had finished cursing his fate and gloating about Deathscyth's new toys. When his breath came out in painful gasps and she could almost see the dark specter that he was surely expecting. _That_ was when his heart's decision was made, over and over until he _really_ believed it.

_~ And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance... I hope you dance...I hope you dance. ~_

She was proud of him. She had always known he had the strength of spirit that she had lacked for so long. Admitting his love to himself, as she hadn't until it was too late, just proved that. 

They were so beautiful, the Warrior and Death, if she had had breath it would have taken it away. This new and wonderful thing lit their eyes in the moments that they were together, and carried them through the moments when they weren't.

She witnessed stolen kisses and unspoken vows, neither of them yet brave enough to say the words where the other could hear them. 

Of course the Elder's had to butt in and call him away, it was their purpose in the Universe. Curse them!

Curse them for making him doubt himself even more, for laying the guilt of their entire people on his weary soul. She felt the whisper of ghost tears running down her ghost face as she watched him, unable to help, unable to send him to his love for help.

She had never felt so useless!

But wait... 

_~ I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance, Never settle for the path of least resistance, ~_

Onii-san wasn't sad anymore, well...not in the same way. He watched again, which was good. He cried now sometimes, which was bad. It had something to do with Duo, who he watched whenever he wouldn't get caught, and the angry boy, Wufei, who he watched just as much. They had all been in the big metal box together, and Onii-san was sad watching the other boys. So he left with Trowa.

He was sad the whole time that they were apart. He was happy when they were all together again. Even with stuff blowing up all the time, and everybody yelling at everybody else, with the laughing boy and the angry boy, Onii-san was happy.

She and Mary watched and waited. Then he told them that they made him happy.

Now they could all be happy together. She was so glad!

_~ Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking, Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making, ~_

Helen watched at the three of them awkwardly carved a place for themselves out of the war, and the hate and the pain. She watched Duo balk at giving up his mask, even for them. The pain in his eyes when they walked away to cool down after an argument nearly broke her heart.

But they all knew that this couldn't be a love of half-measures. None of them would be able to handle the additional strain, especially not now.

She prayed every time they flew, fought or planned. Any of them could die at any time. They were all so close to that happiness that they were almost touching it, but they pulled away again and again. 

Heero had said it first, and she had _seen_ the answering light in the other two pairs of eyes. 

She was fairly sure that Wufei had mumbled it once, when they were hugging each other good-bye before a battle. 

It was the only phrase that wouldn't come out of Duo's mouth, even though he _knew_ what his silence could cost him.

She had smiled at him tenderly as he had practiced the words, tried them out and prepared himself to say them. Too bad Deathscyth and herself were the only ones who heard it and not the two boys who needed to hear it most.

_~ Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter, When you come close to selling out reconsider, ~_

Meiran nearly started screaming at him again...the stupid scholar! Holding Heero's hand the two planned on cutting Duo loose, they were both nearly crumbling under the flood of emotions.

Couldn't they see that he needed them just as much as they needed him? And they needed him badly, given that both of them were nearly in tears at the thought of leaving him behind. If only they would ask him, if only the braided idiot would just _say_ it!

He never lied. All they had to do was ask, and he would have to tell them and everything would be all right.

He had heard the words from Heero's mouth on more than one occasion, and even from her dear flustered Wufei once or twice. Yet Maxwell seemed unable to say the one thing that mattered most, and she didn't understand.

She had to remind herself: it wasn't her love, it wasn't her life. She didn't have to understand, and soon it was a moot point anyway.

Maxwell came to his senses, found his tongue, and fixed the problem he had been having.

He stood in the door to Wufei's quarters, tears in his eyes as he looked at his two beloveds and held out his arms.

It came out slowly, stuttering and painful, but he _said_ it!

_~ Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,~_

Onii-san was happy! They were all happy, so she and Mary could leave now to go with Mommy and Daddy.

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~And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.~

~I hope you dance....I hope you dance.~

~I hope you dance....I hope you dance. ~

Helen only visited her little Shinigami once more after the end of the war. He wasn't so little anymore, and she couldn't have been more proud of him if he had been her own flesh and blood. In some ways he was closer.

He still wooed life with the determination of Death. He wooed his two partners with all the love his heart could hold.

Tears in her ghostly eyes, Helen left her son to finally join her Father, knowing that Duo was safe in the arms and hearts of his two lovers.

__

~ Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,~

~Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone. ~

Briefly she caught sight of a young Chinese woman, looking lovingly down at Wufei. Their eyes met for a moment, and the young woman bowed before vanishing in a flash of light.

Then the light enveloped Helen, and she smiled a delighted, Duo-worthy smile.

_~Owari~_


End file.
